Nakakainis di ko na natapos yung JaFUN diaries blog post ko. Hirap din pala gumawa ng ganun. Nalimutan ko na pati mga gusto kong sabihin. Gagawan ko din ng post yung HK namin last November kaso pano ko sisimulan yun kung di ko pa tapos yung sa Japan. First trip namin out of the country ng Mama yun na kami lang dalwa. It was a learning experience. Hindi pala kami compatible as travel buddies. Hahaha.
Great article from Candy Magazine (Dec 2015 - Jan 2016 issue). Nice to read when you're feeling down.
Your best friend may know all about your sneaky shenanigans, but the truth is, only you know your deepest, most secret shames, insecurities, and disappointments. Your family and friends may feel that you vibe is off from time to time, but at the heart of it, only you can really know what brings you down. So who better to pull you out of your rut than you? It takes a lot self-awareness to wade through the clouds tha are wearing you down, but when you train yourself to be your very own cheerleader, you'll have a tool kit to get you out those inevitable ruts every time. Yesterday was the day that I deactivated my Facebook. I hope I can really do this. Facebook had me for about 10 years now and I think it's time for it to end. Facebook had its run and I now I want to live my life without posting almost every single event in my life while secretly hoping that it gets many comments and likes. Let's be honest, we post something to get attention and validation, even from strangers. Yesterday, I became honest with myself and realized that it had to be stopped. Some people use it to just browse their news feeds and unknowingly stalk someone they don't even personally know. And that's a huge waste of time. Now, I'd rather read a good book, watch my favorite series, bake some cookies, or learn a new hobby; rather than knowing that my Facebook "friend" got a new tattoo. Because what do I get from that? 100% NOTHING. Now that I deactivated my Facebook, I feel really good. As in reeaaal good. It's liberating. Now I get to focus on ME and not on other people's new pets, what they had for lunch, how they celebrated their birthdays, or what they think of Duterte. I also read an article regarding the same thing and he made some really good points: We are addicted to over-sharing, but it’s not even honest sharing. We have created personas of ourselves online where we share openly what we want to share, making our lives seem better (or worse) than they are to gain “likes”, not friends. We are not becoming more social where it matters; we are becoming more social where we want to matter: in the eyes of complete strangers on the Internet. Some are so overly consumed with letting others know what they are doing or where they are, they don’t even take the time to appreciate what is happening around them and who they are sharing that moment with in real life. Experience things, climb mountains, jump in the ocean or go for a walk. Share an actual conversation with someone without emoticons and hashtags. When you stop updating the world on every facet of your life, you will realize how much time that frees up to live. P.S.
If you're my real friend and reading this, I care for your new pet, tattoo or boyfriend and I want to know what you think about Duterte, global warming, love, or life. I just want to hear it directly from YOU and not through Facebook anymore. 😄 I'm still thinking of deleting my Instagram but I don't think I will (at the moment). I follow a lot of talented artists and I use them as my inspiration to create my own art (my so-called art). So maybe I'll just unfollow some people (whom I don't really know) and a couple of celebrities (who make me feel like I'm such an ugly pig). P.P.S. Nag-activate na ko ulit for some reason. Haha. Limot ko na kung bakit. Maybe because sa Facebook ko nakikita yung ibang photos ng cute kong pinsan at pamangkin plus yung iba kong mga kamag-anak. Pero nakatulong yung pagde-deactivate ko kase wala na ko masyadong pakealam and madalang na din ako mag-post. Instagram pa din mas ginagamit ko. Lately, I've been feeling really sad. No particular reason. But maybe it's because I haven't talked to some of my closest friends for a while. And when I try to reach out to them, I stop and think that they may be busy and have no time to listen to my crap. Another thing that's making me unstable is this one person that I really hate the most. I could go on and on about how I hate her. And I hate that she has this capability to ruin my day. I let her suck the happiness out of me. I really need to learn not to give a fuck. Here's a few quotes from Tumblr that will help me through this phase: And my personal favorite:
Huhu. I failed to post last June and July 2015 😔 I'm not really busy. I just had a lazy streak to blog. Here's an update on what happened for the past few months:
June 18-21 (Thursday-Sunday) Reunion with Dale. We ate and ate. One night we went to a karaoke bar. Xali and I travelled 2 hours to attend Dale's wedding (it was funny and a complete joke lol). It was all Dale's treat except for when we treated him lunch at Mad Mark's Glorietta. We were supposed to visit him in Korea and it didn't push through because Dale chose to be relocated in Africa (we would have done the same thing because the salary will be doubled lol). We already have the tickets and it was a hassle so Dale treated us generously to make up for all that. June 27 (Saturday) Xali visited me in our apartment because Ian (her boyfriend) had some work related activity here in Manila. We just went to nearby malls and shop a little (this was the most fun part because we just shopped at Fashion Market and the clothes were real cheap). We had dinner at Banapple and ate ice cream at Cold Stone. Cold Stone's ice cream was heaven. Very smooth and creamy. I'll definitely go back... if I have extra money. It was expensive but worth it. Php 168 for the smallest cup. July 5 (Saturday) Celebrated my cousin's graduation in a resort in Laguna. The place was very nice. Perfect for a barkada getaway. There were billiard tables, videoke with the screen widely projected on the wall nearby the pool, you can play darts and pingpong, and the rooms were clean and spacious. I highly recommend it. The resort's name is Duplex Plus Hot Spring Resort (I didn't see any hot spring). July 6 (Sunday) Still in the resort and my laptop died on me. I was forced to have a VL without pay. Stupid laptop. July 17 (Friday) Went out with my current and ex officemates to have Jen's despedida. She's leaving the company for Dubai where her sister works. We ate dinner at Mad Mark's BGC and had three pitchers of cocktail at The KEG. We had fun and I got drunk (for the first time in a long while). July 19 (Sunday) Tried Shawarma Bros with Kenneth and it was ok. Still planning to go back if, again, I have extra money. July 25 (Friday) Daddy's confinement at St. Luke's Global (liver tumors). We slept at Ate Gigi's condo. I was on vacation leave until Sunday for my Mama's supposed party. Before we go to the condo, we went to SM Makati first to shop and eat. I didn't buy anything. I'm in kuripot mode and I don't want to waste any more money on new clothes. We had dinner at Tim HoWan. Their pork buns were yummy and their hakaws mouth watering. There wasn't much on their menu. Their menu was rather simple which I liked. July 26 (Saturday) My cousins, Isabelle and Illysa, together with Kuya Irving, arrived at the condo and woke us up. It was about 7 in the morning when they arrived. Isabelle and Illysa discovered the pool and had a kiddie fashion show. July 27 (Sunday) It was my Mama's birthday. We celebrated at the hospital and surprised her with food, cake and balloons. She was planning to have a party in our province but due to unfortunate circumstances, she had no choice but to cancel. July 30 (Thursday) Sick with fever and nasty colds. I wasn't able to visit Daddy. August 3 (Monday) Daddy's discharge. The doctor advised Daddy to stay here in Manila to avoid the trouble of travelling back and forth to the province. Daddy and Mommy temporarily stayed in Ate Gigi's condo until his checkup on Saturday. August 5-7 (Wednesday-Friday) Since it's already my week off, I stayed with Mommy and Daddy at the condo to clean Daddy's surgical wounds and help Mommy with some errands (buying medicines and diapers and other stuff). I just read an article about North Korea and I had a better picture of what's really happening on that side of the world. They even called it the 'worst place on Earth' and I ultimately agree. People there are mentally, psychologically and physically deprived of what's outside their border and they are being punished if they attempt to break Kim Jong-un's ridiculous rules.
It's a good thing that there are kind, compassionate people who are doing something about it — through the use of USB sticks. What they do is they smuggle USB sticks inside the North Korean territory and try to make sure that it reaches as much people as possible. It's to enlighten them what's outside their prison called North Korea and be aware of the possibilities. These USB sticks contain western media: movies like Hunger Games, TV series like Friends and Desperate Housewives. Some of them even already watched The Interview. But they didn't like it. They felt insulted and considered it as mockery. Hunger Games is one of their favorites. Most of these smugglers also came from North Korea and they were very lucky to escape. But the downside is, some of their relatives are still there, trapped. All they can do is to continue smuggling these USB drives and hope that it will spark people's minds to do something. But these USB sticks come with a price. If we have drug pusher problems here in our country, Kim Jong-un's worst enemy are "USB stick pushers". Some North Koreans sell these sticks for a living and people there are hungry for these western media so they don't mind the expense. It's a contraband and it's quite pricey. If they get caught, they get punished (through torture and sometimes death penalty). I can't imagine living in that kind of place. I can't imagine that possessing a small thing containing some harmless movies will get you killed. Now I feel guilty whenever I'm bored. We have lots of potential stuff to do right in front of us. We have books to read, we have cable, some of us have 1TB external hard drives filled with movies and TV series (their USB sticks only have 16GB capacity) and here we are, complaining that we have nothing to do when we should be thankful. This could be simple and ordinary for us, but not to them. When North Koreans watch these movies and there are scenes taking place in a grocery store, they pause the movie and take time to examine what's inside the store. That's how deprive they are of the outside world. And this makes me really sad. We should count ourselves really really fortunate. I hope in the near future, North Koreans will be able to experience how it is to be free; and be able to watch Titanic in peace and not worry about getting caught; or worse, killed. P.S. When I watched the movie The Interview, I thought North Koreans perceiving Kim Jong-un and his family as heavenly beings is just an exaggeration. But it turned out to be true. They see Kim Jong-un as some kind of a god. But they have heard rumors that he has some health issues and it makes them question Kim Jong-un's "heavenliness". Kim Jong-un, please, just die already. 😡 Lots of things stress me out lately. I hate worrying cause it's just a waste of time. It won't change things. With this in mind, I still find it extremely hard not to worry. I really don't know what to do at this point. Maybe I'll google it later. Searh Google: How to not worry I'm worried about my health. I recently had an appendectomy and I'm feeling lower right abdominal pain. I have no idea if it's related to my previous surgery or if it's my cystic ovary. I went to a doctor and the only genius thing he had to say is to "observe" it. As if that helped. Sometimes, I find myself super preoccupied with my hope of going to Canada. Its been almost a month since I sent my EOI (expression of interest) and the only thing I can do now is wait for their e-mail. I have to receive an LAA (letter of advice to apply) from them then that would be the only time I can apply for a visa. EOI is useless if you're among the lowest ranking people who's also interested in applying to MPNP (Manitoba Provincial Nomination Program - ata). You won't have any chance to apply if you have low points. Lots of people from all over the world are interested in this program and I could only hope that I'm among those people who have the highest rankings. *Sigh* I could only hope and wish and dream. And the thing I hate the most: I'm trapped in the past. Past mistakes, past grudges, I still have them. Deep inside, I still care. There are times when I still get mad at the things you've done to me two or ten years ago. Even if it doesn't really matter today, I'm still affected. It affects my whole day. And I don't want to be that person anymore. It's tiring. It's useless. And again, it's just a waste of time. I have to remind myself this over and over again: And to stop being so religious: "What do sad people have in common? It seems they have all built a shrine to the past And often go there to do a strange wail and worship. What is the beginning of happiness? It is to stop being so religious like that." And to be free: Before you can live, a part of you has to die. You can't change the past. Be free. I guess all I can do is to remind myself of these wise words. Honestly, I really find it hard to let go of some things. Especially if it affected me real hard in the past. It's like I have this extra space in my brain specifically allocated for these thoughts and feelings. I'd pay a ton of money just to have that part of my brain removed. It will make life so much better and happier. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. But I will die trying. Because it's the right thing to do. Fuck the stupid things that happened in the past. I want to arrange them one by one in front of me and destroy them with my bare hands. I think that's what I'm gonna do. I'll close my eyes and imagine myself killing those memories one at a time. Maybe that'll help. I don't know. There's no harm in trying. Fuck you Weebly. I just wrote about a very emotional post about what should I pursue in life and something went wrong with Weebly and it didn’t save my draft. Grr.
I went on and on about being a chemist (inspired by Breaking Bad reruns) to an app developer (but I figured that it would be really hard without proper training and it would be difficult to just rely on the internet and won’t be able to have decent answers if I have any questions) and now, in this moment, I want to be a great sketch artist. GOAL: Be an amazing sketch artist I reached out to my trusted friend and confidante, Google, and he came up with these tips and strategies: 1. Draw a lot. Malcolm Gladwell says it takes about 10,000 hours of doing something to become expert at it. Fill up one sketch book a month, at minimum. 2. Study the fundamentals. Study the best books. 3. Try drawing upside down so you can draw what you actually see TO BUY: 1. Pencils 2. Sketchpad 3. Eraser 4. Sharpener 5. A good book teaching the basics I have a favorite new author/writer/blogger! His name is, obviously, Mark Manson. And this is his first article that I've read (recommended by Xali): The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
Tidbits:
Diba ang cool. After reading this article, most of my problems were solved because I realized that those problems, are not really problems. They were just some misguided fucks that were given carelessly. Together, let's try to master this new found art and live a fucking happy and simple life. |
Gleniz Da Menace27 y/o Archives
November 2019
Categories
All
|